When the Darkness Lingers

Psalm 30 

Joy Comes with the Morning 

I will extol you, O LORD, for you have drawn me up
and have not let my foes rejoice over me.
O LORD my God, I cried to you for help,
and you have healed me.
O LORD, you have brought up my soul from Sheol;
you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit. 

Sing praises to the LORD, O you his saints,
and give thanks to his holy name.
For his anger is but for a moment,
and his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,but joy comes with the morning. 

As for me, I said in my prosperity,
"I shall never be moved."
By your favor, O LORD,
you made my mountain stand strong;
you hid your face;
I was dismayed. 

To you, O LORD, I cry,
and to the Lord I plead for mercy:
"What profit is there in my death,
if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it tell of your faithfulness?
Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me!O LORD, be my helper!" 

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
you have loosed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

Last year was a difficult year, with many transitional adjustments here at home, the ectopic pregnancy, surgery, our van engine needing to be replaced, extra work related travel for Nic, and miscellaneous other emergencies to attend to or repair.  We looked forward to a new start in 2013 with a fresh perspective and an opportunity to finish up, fix up, and rest up from last year's trials.   But God had his own joys and sorrows planned for us from the start...

In early February we learned we were pregnant.  Fearing repeat complications, we attended multiple doctor's appointments until we heard the heartbeat and saw the baby growing in the right place.  We rested, celebrated with the kids, and told very few friends.   While some of our kids struggled with concerns for how a biological child would impact their stability in a family of six adopted kiddos, we watched as God healed hearts and drew our kids to Himself.  Together we learned to delight in how God builds families through adoption and biology.

It is amazing how much your heart can plan for your world to change in just 12 short weeks.  And then our world changed again in a way we were not expecting.

At our 12 week prenatal visit the baby had no heartbeat, having died a few weeks earlier.  There was so much sorrow, so much grief, so much darkness.

Because I have read of  God's faithfulness to multiple generations through His Word, I know that He is faithful.  Because I have read of God's faithfulness to generations of missionaries around the world, I know that He is faithful.  Because I have seen God's hand of faithfulness in our own lives, redeeming us, sustaining us, giving new and eternal life, lifting us from the pit, I know that He is faithful.  

And yet the darkness lingered.  And joy did not come in the morning.  And I was dismayed.  And I cried out, repeatedly, "Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me!  O LORD, be my helper!"

Our long night may not be quite over yet.  In fact, it is still fresh in all of our hearts.  But our prayer for God's mercy and help will be heard and we will one day "my glory will sing Your praise and not be silent."  I am certain that even when darkness lingers and weeping tarries for the night, that joy will come with the morning in His time!

Please continue to pray for our hearts, that God would be merciful to us, that He would be our healer, our helper, our gladness, our joy in the morning, and the recipient of our songs of praise.