Set Your Hope

1 Peter 1:13
Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

I spent some time talking on the phone today with a new adoptive mom who is settling in for the honeymoon-is-over season of transition with her sibling group of older children.  I could feel the tension in her voice as well as the resolve to hold onto hope - our hope in Jesus Christ.  It is an intense season that threatens to consume you if you don't hold onto hope.  

We chatted briefly about tangible ways others can help in this season, understanding that for every family and every child this may look somewhat different.  And then we talked about ways that she and her husband can set their hope fully on the grace that we have and ultimately look forward to eternity through Jesus. In the season of testing, holding onto hope is a hard thing to do when the days fairly swallow you whole.  After reflecting on the conversation, I wished that I had offered her 1 Peter 1:13 as a bit of wisdom: 

1. In preparing for adoption we spent quite a bit of time preparing our minds for action.  We read the adoption, attachment, trauma, and parenting books, attended support groups, spent time in prayer, and learned from others what we would be undertaking.  

2. While we rejoiced in the precious gift of these children, we were also sober-minded.  The transition to a new family, a new country, a new home, new rules, a new school, new everything is not to be taken lightly.  This transition carries with it years of heartache and brokenness that eventually led to adoption.  As adoptive parents we are entrusted with those hurts and they are ours to shoulder. We must be sober-minded to care thoughtfully for our children during this transition. 

3. Finally, we must set our hope, again and again, fully on the grace that is ours through Jesus Christ. We must daily preach the gospel to ourselves.  We must remind our spouses and our children.  We must remind our friends and extended family.  Set your hope.  Set your hope.  Set your hope.

Some seasons in life are especially hard and long.  Settling in after a recent addition to the family can be one of those seasons.  I am reminded to pray tonight for these dear friends, that preparing their minds for action and being sober-minded they would set their hope on Him who is faithful!   

Hope in Hard Times

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

Each day several ideas pop into my head about things I would love to blog about.  Some are silly and others are serious.  I rarely find time in the midst of our joy-filled and busy days to sit down and put the thoughts into meaningful words.  I am a doer and I love to be doing ANYTHING, but recently, the Lord has shown me that I need to take time each morning to be still and quiet before Him, to listen, and not to DO for a time.  Besides the general lack of writing time in my schedule, my lack of blogging has been due to spending more time in quiet reflection each morning.  In the quiet of the early morning at our house, cuddled under piles of blankets, in front of the toasty fireplace with my coffee cup in hand, and snuggled next to our pups, God has been impressing on my heart that I need to share hope and encouragement for other adoptive families that may be walking through hard times.  If you are one of those families, I pray that this encouragement would be a blessing to you.  I trust that God has not wasted a moment of our trials and challenges.  They have all been for our good and His glory.

Afflicted in Every Way:

We have gone through seasons where we have viewed challenges in adoption as afflictions - not only afflictions for us to endure, but afflictions that our kids display.  We spent countless hours (days! years!) seeking doctors, specialists, medications, therapies, and resources to help fix these afflictions so that we would be able to love our children more easily.  It is really humbling to admit this.  I desperately wanted the behaviors, needs, fears, anxieties, sensitivities, and attitudes fixed, thinking that it would help me love my child.  While meeting (diagnosing and treating) real needs is an important part of parenting, it is a backwards concept to think that my child should be 'loveable' before I am willing to love him or her.  Goodness!  I am so thankful that God doesn't love us this way, waiting for us to be 'loveable' before choosing to love us.  Even more convicting is the fact that God doesn't see us in our own affliction (sin) and choose to love us only after we have overcome the affliction.  Oh, but He loved us while we were still sinners and He died for us!  (Romans 5:8)

Perplexed:
What to do!  What to do!  How often have we labored in prayer for wisdom in parenting!  How desperate we have been for God's mercy in the area of wisdom!  We jumped into parenting adolescents and teenagers.  We had barely gotten through reading all the parenting books for babies, toddlers, preschoolers, and early elementary students, as well as all the books on adoption, trauma, grief, and healing, when God brought our two oldest children home.  Adopting six children in six years spanning in age from 4 months to 16 years (on arrival) set us on a pretty sharp learning curve.  Though I love to read and ponder over educational philosophies for children, there came a time that I needed to set aside all the worldly wisdom in books and purposefully seek eternal wisdom from the Holy Book.  God was so good to bring others alongside us in this journey who were deeply rooted in the Word to help build us up and keep us from despair.  The Bible has become so precious to us as we have sought wisdom.  It is our most useful tool in teaching, reproof, correction, and training.  (2 Timothy 3:16)

Persecuted:
Hurtful behaviors stem from hurting hearts.  It is hard to remember this when you find yourself the target of persecution.  It is even harder to accept when you did not cause the initial hurt, but only welcomed the hurting child home, not being able to fully fathom the depth of pain they had experienced in their young lifetime.  During times of intense persecution in our home we have found it good to reflect on Paul's life and persecution and God's faithfulness to him.  We are reminded that even in all of the persecution Paul was not abandoned or forsaken.  We pray that we could see each of our children as God sees them, even in the midst of persecution and challenges.  We remember God's faithfulness to His children throughout history and to us in our lifetime.  And we pray that we could love sacrificially and mercifully as God teaches us in Luke 6:27-36

Struck Down:
Emotionally, mentally, physically...it is a sorrow to find yourself 'struck down' in challenges.  Sometimes it is a  shock to find yourself physically and literally struck down by your child.  We wonder how did we ever get here...how did we get to a place where we are 'struck down'?  After all the adoption preparation, the books, the classes, the seminars and trainings.  After all the paperwork, the medical and background checks, the  homestudies and government approvals.  How could we go from being so competent to being so utterly wiped out and dependent upon Christ?  This has been especially good for each of us as parents, and for our marriage.  To see God's complete grace in humbling us without destroying us.  We are able to see His abundant grace with fresh eyes and to feel His sustaining power in the midst of our own weakness.  What a gift to come to this place, to the end of ourselves, and to find an all-sufficient, all-powerful God who is more than able to sustain us.

In our journey through being afflicted, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down, we have found God to be faithful.  While my writing did not include any specific incidents from within our home, I am certain that if you are walking the journey of a hard adoption experience you will have your own incidents to insert into each of those phrases.  It is my prayer that you will see God's faithfulness and sufficiency for you, even in the midst of trial, remembering that He promises that we will not be crushed, driven to despair, forsaken, or destroyed.  I am confident that God has brought us comfort in this often hazardous journey in order that we might comfort others who find themselves on the same road.  

    

Expecting Miracles: A Family Reunion

Jeremiah 29:11-14a

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.  You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you, declares the Lord.

Psalm 105:4-5

Seek the Lord and his strength;
seek his presence continually!
Remember the wondrous works that the has done,
his miracles, and the judgments he uttered.

Having grown up in the era of closed adoption, and being completely comfortable with my own closed adoption experience, we were naturally more comfortable with international adoption as an option when we began the adoption process.  Ten years into experiencing life as an adoptive parent (paper work, waiting, post placement, etc., etc.) and we now find ourselves enjoying the blessing of a larger network and definition of family.  

I really have not shared too much about our oldest teens and how God brought them here.  It is, after all, their story and they are old enough to share it if and when they choose, in whatever venue they choose.  However, it is an amazing story and we are blessed to be a part of it.  

Today I want to share how I went from being blinded to the miracles of knowing and loving birth families, to being able to expect miracles as we seek to embrace family in its expanded definition.  Part of this transformation includes our part of the story of finding our oldest children and growing our family in multiple ways.  

When we first heard of our oldest teens, a dear friend was advocating for a family for them.  Originally we thought, "Surely not us!  We have done that already."  Older child adoption has its unique challenges and we were not actively seeking more of those challenges at that time, but we committed to praying for these teens.  A week went by as we prayed for them day and night, asking God to provide a family who loves Jesus.  I advocated for them with other adoptive families, families experienced in older child adoption, and together we prayed and prayed and prayed.  After just a few weeks, I could not stop thinking of and praying for these two teens who had caught my heart, and we inquired about what else our family could do.  Without even knowing them we loved them!  One conversation lead to another, and several weeks of phone calls later, we found ourselves furiously completing our home study paperwork, eager to welcome these two teenagers home. 

While completing our paperwork, I sat one night and read the entire 26 page Colombian abandonment decree, single spaced, entirely in Spanish.  I have no words to describe the emotions that go along with reading such a document.  My heart was heavy with sorrow, but it was also hopeful, as I knew that it was not God's plan to destroy these children, but to give them a future and a hope, through the testimony of His presence, purpose, and protection in their past, present, and future.  

Another thought occurred to me after reading the entire document, having memorized names of family members and been drawn into their story.  At first I was unsure, and then slowly I realized that I knew the younger siblings of these two teenagers.  The internet is an amazing tool and adoptive families often connect via country specific or special needs groups online.  I was surprised to find that I had "known" the siblings of these two teens for some time now via the internet.  They lived in New York and we shared much in common, especially a fierce love for our children.  Finally we were connected again as we continued to pursue the adoption of our two oldest kiddos.  They have walked alongside us in this journey, encouraging our family and praying for us.  Essentially, they have become part of our extended family in a precious way that was virtually unheard of in the closed adoption era.

Their family, and the relationships we have been able to grow and maintain over the past year have been a blessing to our entire family.  They were able to come to Minnesota for a long weekend visit, see some MN sights, hang out and relax, and get in on some of our soccer season.  I am amazed at the miracles that I see God working in the lives of these precious siblings and I am thankful for the opportunity to expect miracles as our families are united by a common faith and by these children.  In the future, I would love to share more about other ways in which God has blessed us with a widening network and definition of family.

You can read a more detailed record of our MN stay-cation with the Weeks family and see pictures (my pics ended up unclear for some reason) at their blog Expect Miracles.  I hope that you will be blessed!