Gain & Loss

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith - that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

Philippians 3:7-11

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Matthew 6:3-12

Today has been another one of those painfully beautiful days. Well, mostly painful, but I am trusting God for His portion of the beauty to be worked out yet in my heart. When we entered into older child, sibling group adoption we understood that we would be walking a journey filled with our children's losses. Our hearts were full and we were ready to be poured out. We had no idea how far down that road of losses we would go and how many of our own losses we would endure.

Truthfully, we didn't understand what the real gain was in this experience when we began. We understood we would be gaining children - a blessing from the Lord (Psalm 127:3-4). While children are a precious blessing, the healthy children and family I envisioned and longed for I now count but loss compared to the greater gain of truly knowing Christ. I know Him now as I cry out to Him in suffering, sorrow, and grief. I know Him now as I am daily depending on Him for mercy, seeking peace, and yearning for righteousness. I know Him now as my real reason for rejoicing.

On the really hard days when we live in the trauma of our children's past and we hear our children "utter all kinds of evil against us falsely" while we love them and pray for them and seek every resource for their healing, we can rejoice and be glad because we know that our gain is not here, but in heaven. This loss, this pain, can be counted as rubbish when we trust God who can restore all things and can heal hearts. At the end of this day we trust that He will heal our hearts, too, and allow us to dive into tomorrow fully invested in loving and cherishing our children for Him.

Somedays are so full of loss and memories of loss for our children. Some days they re-create loss in order to soothe themselves. I am thankful that my eternal gain is worth each day's painfully beautiful losses.