Beautiful Storms

Therefore I tell you, do no be anxious about your life,

what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on.

Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ...

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness,

and all these things will be added to you.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.

Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6:25, 33-34

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.

It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

We have had a lot of snow already this winter, starting earlier than normal. The children love the snow and playing in it, and the beauty of it makes enduring the cold possible here in Minnesota. However, unexpected snow storms make a mess, especially for driving places - and I don't prefer to be driving on slick, snowy roads if I don't absolutely have to. So, my sweet plans for connecting with dear like-minded moms was postponed last night and I rested knowing that God must have had other plans for me on this beautiful stormy evening. I am thankful that God has allowed me to see many of my life's other storms as beautiful storms through the provision of His loving, sovereign, gracious hand.

Prior to our sibling group adoption, our home was a very peaceful and joyful place. I absolutely loved being a mom to my kiddos and learning in this parenting journey. We didn't deal with raging, violence, aggression, opposition, passive-aggressiveness, or manipulation. We were parenting two neurotypical, healthy, attached toddlers - one who was very strong willed and the other who was determined. We had read, studied, and prepared for the challenging possibilities in adopting older children, but nothing really prepared our hearts for the constant storms that raged within our home and the sweet presentation they made to others outside the walls of our home. Deep fear began to fill my heart each day for the storms that I anticipated. I would dread the hour when the children would wake up each morning. Within the first six months after we returned home, I was overcome with anxiety as our home was overcome with these storms of turbulence. I cried out as David did in the Psalms, "How long, O Lord, how long?"

Certainly I believed Matthew 6:25 and Proverbs 3:5-6, but I was not living them out. I was not living out verse 34 of Matthew 6, choosing not to be anxious about tomorrow (or today). I was not living in fear (awe) of the Lord and what He had done and was doing, but instead I was anxiously trying so hard to be wise in my own eyes, to figure out how to fix the problem of anxious, hurting behaviors in my home. I was doing just the opposite of Proverbs 3:7-8.

It has not been until recently that I have come to a resting place, a joyful place of thankful acceptance of God's good plan for our family - a good plan that has included so much more than I imagined. It has not been until this acceptance of God's goodness and sovereignty that I have been able to really experience healing for my flesh (from anxiety) and refreshment to my bones (and heart) even in the midst of parenting hurt kiddos. In all of this, He has given wisdom. It has not necessarily been wisdom to try the newest therapy, medication, or self-help curriculum, but wisdom to trust Him in His leading and provision for our family, wisdom to trust His Word for teaching, correction, and truth. He has given refreshment that has come as a fullness of joy in the midst of the often daily storms that still rage within our homes. I am now able to see them as beautiful storms that God is working out, allowing our children to learn to trust us and depend on us and Him.

As I write this morning, I am praying that those who read this are able to find beauty in their storms today and that in "being not wise in your own eyes, but in fearing the Lord and turning away from evil, you would find healing for your flesh and refreshment for your bones." (Proverbs 3:7-8)