A sweet peace has settled over my heart. It does not minimize the rage-filled screaming, or the fear-filled and anxious behaviors which threaten to consume our home now, two full years after we welcomed our big girls home through older child, sibling group adoption. Instead, this sweet peace seems to cover over the daily burdens, like the comfort of being wrapped in the warmest of blankets on winter's coldest nights.
Is it still crazy here in our home?
Yes, it is crazy and painful and awful and wonderful all at the same time.
The day before Thanksgiving we celebrated our two year anniversary of receiving the big girls and their brother into our family. We call this anniversary day our "Special Day". We had plans to celebrate by taking a field trip to a MN historical society event, but we ended up with lots of snow and stayed closer to home and went swimming at the YMCA instead.
This time of year truly is a time that reminds us of all we have to be thankful for. We are thankful for the opportunity to share Jesus love with our children, to parent them purposefully, to reach out to their hearts. We are thankful for God's provision for each of our children and for His continued work in their lives. We are thankful for God's new mercies, His forgiveness available through the atoning work of His Son, and for His sustaining grace.
Would I do it again, knowing all these risks and hurts? Would I choose older child, sibling group adoption?
Yes, because it is crazy, painful, and awful - and because God is so much more wonderful, patient, and beautiful than all of this journey and He is so marvelously able in what He can do with hearts surrendered to Him. I would do it all again if only to know the sweetness of this kind of peace.
1 comment:
Over the last couple of weeks I have read through your blog. I appreciate all you have shared. I appreciate your perseverance through the tough journey. I appreciate your clinging to the true hope in Jesus Christ.
We are in our own terrible wonderfulness, and I have drawn so much from your experience.
My youngest is like a little porcupine. Her borderline RAD and PTSD symptoms are part of our everyday....5 years post adoption. Our child adopted two years ago, challenges me every day with her post institutional autism and developmental delays. Both are precious and loved daughters; both sap everything from me. Our three bio kids hurt and thrive all at the same time. Sometimes more hurt.
I blame myself for escaping too often and not being able to really find a way to help them even through all the therapy, etc.
All I know is....
PS 121
My help comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth.
PS 139
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
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