Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is your keeper;
the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The LORD will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.
I have learned that sometimes life is painful. Sometimes it continues to be terribly painful. Sometimes it is all we can do to cry out in our misery, sorrow and pain and then rejoice in the comfort that comes only from God. Sometimes there is no earthly comfort when the anguish is so great, but the eternal sovereign God is sufficient for our grief filled hearts, even in the absence of comfort.
Our Sunday school teacher, Dr. Jason DeRouchie, was reminding us that the same Psalmist who wrote the affirmations of God's sovereignty in Psalm 121 also wrote the question, "From where does my help come?" It is not a sin to ask that question in the depth of our misery. And God is faithful to remind us of His help and His great love for us.
This past week was filled with waves of grieving and remembering God's great love for us. Our son's re-adoption by his new family finalized this week and yet God brought healing, confirmation and peace in the midst of the loss. On Wednesday my friend Lorraine's daughter,Chrissie, went home to be with Jesus after a 30 day hospital stay following heart surgery. We grieve for this family, yet we rejoice in the work God has done in and through the life of their precious daughter. Finally, after many more weeks of raging for one of our sweeties, another door was closed for a possible, positive option for help. We are thankful for clarity and peace in that decision, but find ourselves back in an very familiar place of starting over with no good options on the table.
And God knows all of this as I weep, mourn, rejoice and give thanks that He is sovereign and that He has ordained our every breath. He is okay when I come to Him weeping and mourning, clinging to Him in desperation as I gasp for air and choke out, "My help comes from the Lord." I am so humbled and He is so mighty. He welcomes my pleas for help, my cries for mercy, my longing for peace, and my pleading for compassion. When I wish I could give Him more, this is enough.
This past week I have been impacted by the words to Amy Grant's song Better Than A Hallelujah. I'm praying that God hears our melody this week in our beautiful mess here.
Better Than A Hallelujah
by Amy Grant
God loves a lullaby
In a mother's tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes
God loves the drunkard's cry
The soldier's plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes
We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah
The woman holding on for life
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears for shame for what's been done
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than the Hallelujah sometimes
We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah...
5 comments:
Grieving and praising with you...praying that there will be joy in the journey.
sounds like a week full of emotions. praying for you all. keep up the good fight.
You don't know how much I needed to hear the words you shared about our sufferings. In the midst of watching God work in miraculous ways, there are also so many other things that simultaneously are happening in my life and heart right now that are so painful...I haven't even been able to find words to share them. Thanks for sharing...
Praise God for giving you such a wonderful spirit! I am so thankful to have met you, as your faithfulness gives me encouragement! Please let me know if there is any way I can be of help!!!
Sending you lots and lots of hugs and prayers sweet friend.
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