I have recently been convicted about the part my attitude plays in setting the tone for each day. I am acutely aware of how my perspective sets the tone in my home and how I can daily choose to be mourning or rejoicing over the state of affairs in my home. Progress in my home towards regaining stability and peace, the children's attachment and trust is not going to magically happen over night. The big kiddos will not just suddenly quit manipulating and lying to us or mumbling or attention seeking in odd and strange ways. Eight and ten years of unimaginable hurt are not undone in a season regardless of all the tears I cry and all my best efforts of therapeutic parenting. And yet, this is part of the problem. It is my perspective of looking forward to the end, of waiting for the child to arrive at a place that God has not brought her yet, instead of living in light of the past.
You see, it is good for me to live in light of the past.
It is good for me to be reminded of my hurt children's very scary and dark past in order to be able to give thanks that God ordained many specific events to bring these specific children to my care.
It is good for me to be reminded of my hurt children's necessary coping mechanisms from the past in order to find compassion when teaching them they no longer need those maladaptive coping skills, and to give grace when they daily, sometimes moment-by-moment, forget that they now have a safe family.
It is good for me to be reminded of the easy life I used to have and how I took everything for granted, even with our first two children (who are also adopted). It is good to know that even though that was easier, life is more precious now and more meaningful because we are all learning what it means to truly love sacrificially.
It is good for me to be reminded to live in light of the past, to live in light of the cross. If it were not for the cross I would have no hope for the future. When I live for the future with my hopes and dreams for my kids, that hope is largely misplaced. My kids may never outgrow their past trauma. I pray that they do, but my hope does not rest on them overcoming their trauma, not even on our good days. My hope rests in the sufficiency of the cross and the security of my salvation and future eternity based on Christ's overcoming the cross.
When I live in light of the past, I can rejoice in God's sustaining grace for the present. I am more able to see the progress of the past 18 months and be thankful for where we have come. When I live in light of the past, it gives me a perspective that is less often shaken by our bad days because they are not as bad as the bad days of the past.
When I live in light of the past, it helps me reach out to others who might be just at the beginning and who might wonder if they can make it 3, 6, 9, or 18 months toward loving their hurting child when their hearts are breaking and their family is crumbling.
When I live in light of the past, I find that I have a great joy in this journey despite the grief, loss and misery along the way.
2 comments:
This is so inspiring. I found your blog through urban servant's last year and have been praying for your family! Your children are blessed to have you!
As I've said before, you should write a book! Thanks again for sharing your family's hopes and struggles...always inspired by your thoughts.
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