Yet I Will Rejoice: Trusting in God's Sovereignty in the Midst of Affliction

Lord, I have heard of your fame;

I stand in awe of your deeds, O Lord.

Renew them in our day, in our time make them known;

in wrath remember mercy.

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,

He enables me to go on the heights.

Habakkuk 3:2, 17-19

Parenting is a challenging job. Parenting even "normal" children without special needs is a challenging job. As a former teacher I recognize this. As a former youth pastor's wife I recognize this. As a daughter who was as a child both normal and challenging, I recognize this. Parents carry agonizing burdens for their children's hearts and lives. And those parents of children with special needs carry all the more burdens - it is what it is and it is very intense at times. Through the adoption of older children, sometimes special needs are caused by the abuse and trauma suffered to children before coming to their adoptive home. These burdens, too, are heavy for parents. The pain I feel for my children is great. My heart breaks for them, for the hurts and losses they have suffered and survived, and for those that they will endure forever. My heart breaks for those hurts that continue to be displayed and replayed and perpetrated onto others within our home, even though our home is a safe, loving place - learning that you are safe is a long process when you have never known safety and security.

Yet I will rejoice...

I will rejoice because I know that not one of my children's hurts happened apart from God's sovereign and loving hand. His perfect purpose for each of their lives has brought them through terror and into our hearts and home where they could hear the gospel and begin to heal. We live in a fallen world, full of sin and pain, and it was God's glorious plan to provide a way out of that place of pain for these precious children. He provided a way for them to escape the horrors of their past lives and to come into our home. Has it included unimaginable pain for us? Yes. Do we continue to experience this pain? Yes. We live with the effects of their past hurts on a daily basis. We are embracing the life of parenting children with many special needs, disabilities caused by their past life of pain. Is it difficult? Every minute.

Yet I will rejoice...

This morning I was reminded again in a sermon titled Born Blind for the Glory of God by Pastor John Piper about God's sovereignty in the life of every child with a disability - that God has a design and purpose for His glory for every one of these children. You can find this sermon at Desiring God. We know that it was no accident for our children to end up in our home or with the disabilities that they have - we trust in God's plan for our lives and theirs. We struggle daily to mesh this truth and this belief with the practical aspects of living in a home fraught with the failures of such brokenness and hurt. How do you keep one child from scaring another? How do you keep one child from physically hurting or constantly pestering other children? How do you teach compassion for a sibling that taunts you and hurts you? How do you teach patience for children who disrespect you? How do you teach a Christ-like, self-sacrificial love to children who only know how to fight for self-preservation? How do you teach basics like math, reading, science and history in the midst of a constant battle ground? How do you make dinner, make a grocery list, get to the grocery store, get the laundry done, and teach the children life skills? How do you maintain friendships or extended family relationships on 4-6 hours of sleep a night with the county crisis number programmed into your phone instead of a friend's number? How do you maintain a marriage when the family is in triage?

Yet I will rejoice...

I could write my own comical version of Habakkuk 3:17-19 and it would sound something like this:

Though the supper does not get cooked and there is no milk in the refrigerator,

though the clothes in the washer get moldy and the toilet backs up,

though there are no clean clothes for church and no lesson plans for the week,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength;

he makes my feet like the feet of Adrian Peterson,

he enables me to run it in for the touchdown.

Seriously, though it is tough to face the practical stuff on a daily basis. It is easy to get overwhelmed. We are overwhelmed. But we have come so far and we need to remember that we are not laboring for the daily things, but for the eternal things that are far more costly and precious. These lessons, though they have come at a great price, are also far more valuable for each of us as we labor through each day struggling when the fig tree does not bud, the olive crop fails, the fields produce no food, etc., and the children disobey and disrespect us, they have had their 6th meltdown before lunch, they hurt and scare their siblings, or they are on their 3rd visit to the specialist this month with no answers. We are reminded that we are struggling for eternal things. We rejoice in the eternal things and we trust that God has equipped us to parent in these times - both good and bad - and to be able to say like the prophet Habakkuk "yet I will rejoice in the Lord." I take heart in knowing that I am not expected to rejoice in my situation or circumstances or even in the task set before me, but in God alone. I can do that today!