Weaknesses & Contentment: A Birthday Message

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Yesterday was my husband's birthday. I wanted to do something really sweet for him, maybe make his favorite meal and dessert, maybe arrange time in our family schedule for him to get together with some guy friends who are an encouragement. Other thoughts drifted quickly by as the day arrived.

At the very least I wanted to find time to compose a letter expressing my heart to him. We keep a journal between the two of us that we write letters in to one another - sending it back and forth to one another's night stands after we write. We began it as a chronicle of God's faithfulness in our marriage and a testimony of His work in our lives. The journal still sits by my bedside, waiting for my thoughts to be marked in ink, never making it to him by his birthday.

This week in our home was not one of great successes that would allow for sweet birthday gifts and messages. Rather it was filled with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions & calamities of a somewhat explosive sort. It included several days of tyrannical raging, kicking, scratching, hitting, screaming. It was all very out of control for one sweet child whose mind and heart were scared and hurting, but who could not communicate it in any appropriate way.

My mind stumbled through the experience, like so many times in the past two years. I had an odd sensation of wondering again, "Can this really be happening in my home?" This time, however, found me swiftly throwing myself at the foot of the cross, knowing my many weaknesses and thorns in response to such a challenge.

Oh, my weaknesses. My weaknesses - my pride, my anger, my arrogance. To feel that I deserved better in so many ways, to demand respect from a child who has known fear for so long, to taste entitlement as if only perfect and lovable orphans were worthy of receiving parents and thereby their purpose was in giving fulfillment to their parents.

It was all so ugly. The sin, the thorns of pride and anger that I had hidden for so long during seasons of ease. And it was all mine.

And I wept at the cross as I choked out a desperate and thankful prayer, "Take my weakness and my sin. Your grace is sufficient today. Your grace is sufficient."

And like the Gracious Heavenly Father that He is, He stepped in and provided opportunities as needed (many!) for me to learn to depend more fully on His grace, rejoice in His power, and give thanks for my weaknesses in light of His strength.

The raging episodes have passed for now it seems. This hard, hard week was a beautiful opportunity to pray and minister to the heart of this precious child, and to our other children, through God's sufficient grace and His power made perfect in our weakness.

I wanted to give my husband a gift, something tangible and thoughtful. I wanted it to be something to mark another year of life, a stepping stone of sorts. His birthday is over, and there is no fancy gift or written letter. The gift I found to give him is a heart of contentment in our marriage for the place God has brought us and the season God has brought us through. It is a heart of contentment for weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities, trusting in His sufficient grace and strength.

Happy Birthday, Nic! I am joyfully content in this journey God has brought us on together!