Taken for Granted

This week my kiddos are at the Vacation Bible School at the church across the street from our house. It was a great experience last summer and the kids are loving it this summer, too. I am thankful for programs like this. It is a ministry to my own burdened heart and it is a joyful ministry to my kids, too. It is really special because two of their cousins are joining them this week at VBS. Noah and Corinn each have a cousin in their small groups. During the mornings I have had time to read, pray, write, clean, organize, run, shower and do things I am not otherwise able to do when I am hand-holding my more impulsive kiddos all day. It has been a treat for me and has allowed me to be more focused on the kids during the afternoons once I pick them up.

Today my sweet sister-in-law had an appointment, so I get to watch her youngest son who is just fourteen months old while all of our other kids are over at VBS. It is such a normal mom-thing to be able to help her out in this way and it feels so great. Besides, her little guy is super adorable, so what auntie wouldn't want a few hours of that?!? I have always loved having nieces and nephews, especially since they are all close in age to our children. On one side of the family we have a nephew who is 12 and oh-so-cool, and on the other side of the family we have nieces who are 6, 5, 4, 3 and a nephew who is 1. How fun!

Today was such an eye-opener for me with my sweet nephew. I was so thankful to have that time with him to play balls and trucks and sing and pray for him at nap time. When my littlest two sweeties were babies and my two nieces (6 and 4) were babies, I didn't notice at all that my sister-in-law was going through the same bonding things that we were going through. I took for granted all the bonding and attaching for our little ones, though I was very, very purposeful about it. Bonding, attaching, trusting and loving came naturally for our youngest two children and I took it for granted because it was so easy. It was truly a gift.

Our littlest nephew, who is napping right now, was born just a few months after our big kiddos came home. As I have spent the past nearly 20 months struggling in bonding and attachment with our big kids who have been so hurt by parental figures in their past, I have also watched our nephew do all the precious bonding things that we just take for granted. He cries and his needs are met by a safe mom and dad. He is fed, clothed, changed, warm, comfortable, snuggled, held, sang to, rocked, read to, taught, and loved by those people most intimate to him, his mom and dad. His sisters welcomed him with joy and learned from their parents how to treat him gently and with love.

We did the same actions: welcoming, loving, feeding, caring for, nurturing, snuggling our new big kids but they just could not receive it in the same way. Everything we have taken for granted in the bonding/attaching process with newborns was upside down and backwards for our big kids because of their past hurts and traumas. My heart grieves for their loss in their first 8 and 10 years, that they did not know these essential elements for living as part of a safe family. My heart grieves for our loss and our hurts as we work to love, to undo, to teach, to correct and to train these precious children we love dearly. It is hard work, an uphill climb most days for something I have taken for granted. Ultimately it is my prayer that these precious children can see and can accept that they are deeply loved not only by us, but more importantly by a Heavenly Father who sent His Son to redeem them and draw them into His own family through adoption.