The Humility of Correction

Hebrews 12:5-11

And have you not forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
     "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
     nor be weary when reproved by him.
     For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
     and chastises every son whom he receives."

It is for discipline that you have to endure.  God is treating you as sons.  For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?  If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.  Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them.  Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?  For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.  For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. 

Correcting our kids is a hard thing.  I have read the above passage from Hebrews over and over and I still get stuck.  I fully understand that God commands children to honor their parents.  I fully understand that discipline is for our good, for our children's good, for training to produce the peaceful fruit of righteousness.  But I get stuck because sometimes there are parents who have not disciplined their children at all in neglect, and sometimes there are earthly fathers (and mothers) who have disciplined their children in anger (and not just for a short time).  In both of these scenarios, discipline is more than unpleasant and the children do not respect their fathers (and mothers) for the neglect or abuse of discipline.  I understand that this passage speaks about a good and right kind of discipline, aimed at raising up children who share in God's holiness.  

But what happens when you parent a child who, because of his or her discipline in a previous home, cannot accept any discipline from you as loving, even gentle and firm correction?  What happens when you act out Proverbs 22:6, training up your children according to God's Word and they receive that correction and training as injustice, or worse, abuse?  This is hard stuff!  And this is real!     

Because I draw my experience from children within our home and their past is their personal history, I won't go into detail, except to say that this is a real and difficult challenge for parents of hurt children.  I have often found myself deep in prayer over how to correct our children.  I have found myself deeply fearful of my children's reactions to gentle and loving correction.  I hurt for their hearts that are walking in sin, and yet I am scared to receive the undue blame, anger, and rage that comes along with even good discipline.  Being unjustly blamed, especially in times of giving good and loving correction, has been one of the most difficult aspects of this journey.

The more that I reflect on these passages the more peace I have about giving gentle and loving correction to our children, even if it means receiving undue blame as a result.  And the more I pray over my role in the correction and my children's hearts as they receive it, the more fear and anxiety melt away, even when things don't turn out like I had hoped.  

I am not responsible for turning my children's hearts away from sin and toward God.  He alone is able to do that.  I am, however, responsible for being faithful to train them up according to His Word, and to correct them for their good so that they may share in His holiness and yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness.  I have found that it requires a lot of humility to correct my children, knowing that I may receive undue blame or anger.  I need a meekness that depends on God's Truth and where His grace and love overflows toward my children, even in the midst of untrue accusations.

Not only does correction require a lot of humility from me, it requires even more from my children who are receiving the correction.  Choosing to accept correction from us as parents shows that they are willing to accept our parenting of them.  Sometimes this is not immediate, as in the case of lashing out in anger or rage or with false accusation.  Sometimes this takes a painfully long season for a child, a season of casting off authority and living in fear and shame.  But when it happens, and our discipline is received humbly by our children, it is a sweet moment, worth rejoicing and giving thanks over.