Who Put THAT There?

I am a morning person.

I love mornings. I love to wake up happy. I love the quiet of the house before anyone else wakes up. I love time to read, think, write, and just be in stillness and silence. I love feeling that I have accomplished something before little (and big) feet wake each day.

And I am a night person...

I have a hard time finishing my projects and being done with each day. Most days I think I could just do one more load of laundry, bake one more treat, correct one more assignment, clean one more mess and the clock gets away from me.

Add it up and that makes me a tired person. Late nights + early mornings = tired, tired, tired.

This morning I woke up more tired than normal and hit snooze a few times enjoying the warmth of my bed. Then I hit snooze a few more times. When I finally crawled out of bed, I stumbled to the kitchen grateful for coffee to help wake me up...Colombian Brewed, of course! I like my coffee either cold with half-and-half and sugar or hot with flavored creamer. In a pinch I'll drink it any way it's available. This morning I remembered there was half a pot left over from yesterday in the fridge so I planned to drink that cold before starting another pot to warm up mid-day. Right around read aloud time would be the perfect time for a fresh pot of hot coffee...yes, I can plan my school day around coffee!

I reached into the fridge to pull out the coffee pot and someone had precariously set the left over alfredo pasta sauce on top of the coffee pot even though there was plenty of shelf space. I grabbed the alfredo sauce before it slid off and prevented a crash and a spill, immediately thinking with irritation, "Who put THAT there?"

It was a silly question because I already knew the answer. It was even sillier that I was irritated. Really I should come to expect these sorts of things, and more, every time I open the refrigerator door. This week our child with FASD (fetal alcohol spectrum disorder) is in charge of setting and clearing the table and that means that some pretty interesting things end up on the table and in the fridge and that everything ends up on the top shelf in the fridge, even if it doesn't fit. We have been working on how to put things away in the fridge for a few years now. We have been working on how to make milk jugs fit in a fridge (where they fit and where they don't, putting small things on the short shelves and milk jugs on the tall shelves), but setting the table is an executive planning function and it takes a lot of work for this kiddo. I should not be surprised when I routinely find serving spoons left in all of the things put back into the fridge or only the top shelf of the fridge space used. We set our table for breakfast before bed each night so that our morning is turnkey and it has taken three years to learn that we can't pour milk and set yogurt on the table at seven p.m. for breakfast at seven a.m. But we are learning!

And I am learning, too!

What I am learning is that I have expectations for all of my kids, for my husband, for my friends, for my life. I have a plan, a "story", and I want things to go my way. When it doesn't happen I'm usually disappointed and I react in various ways. Sometimes I take that disappointment to God and ask Him for help knowing how to manage that big emotion so that I can respond in grace and mercy and wisdom. Responding in His strength is so much better than reacting in my own.

I didn't ever foresee myself daily reteaching how to set and clear the table for years to a child with FASD, or learning how to manage irrational raging children, or calling the sheriff for one of my children, or comforting children who mourn major lifetime losses. These things were not in MY plan! It seems God has a different and more beautiful plan for my life...

I am currently reading the book A Praying Life by Paul A Miller and it has been a wonderful encouragement. It is a well written book, easy to read, as if you were having a conversation with the author. I highly recommend it! Miller write this for people like me who find themselves discouraged some days by what they find in their refrigerator:

To live in our Father's story, remember these things:

1. Don't demand that the story go your way. (In other words, surrender completely.)

2. Look for the Storyteller. Look for His hand, and then pray in light of what you are seeing. (In other words, develop an eye for Jesus.)

3. Stay in the story. Don't shut down when it goes the wrong way.

This last one, staying in the story, can be particularly difficult. When the story isn't going your way, ask yourself, What is God doing? Be on the look out for strange gifts. God loves to surprise us with babies in swaddling clothes lying in mangers...

Sometimes when we say "God is silent," what's really going on is that he hasn't told the story the way we wanted it told. He will be silent when we want him to fill in the blanks of the story we are creating. But with his own stories, the ones we live in, he is seldom silent. (Miller, p. 201)

So, today I am delighting in God's story for our family. No alfredo was spilled, the coffee has been sipped, the quiet enjoyed. Today I will keep an eye out for God's gifts, the crazy organization of the fridge, the lessons I reteach (and reteach and reteach), the children I get to hold and love and encourage and teach. May you be blessed by God's story for your life today!