Spinning Our Wheels

Psalm 125:1-2

Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion,
which cannot be moved, but abides forever.
As the mountains surround Jerusalem,so the LORD surrounds his people,
from this time forth and forevermore

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

So we do not lose heart. Though our o

uter self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Just like that another month has nearly gone by.

Every morning I wake very early with great hopes to sit and write either here publicly or privately in a journal. Writing helps me make sense of life, to document what is and bring it into perspective, hopefully an eternal perspective shaped by God's Word. Some days I don't write because there is no time and too many math assignments to correct. Some days I don't write because I also love to read and there are too many good books that I want to consume and so little time. Some days I don't write because there are just no words to adequately share what we experience or the experiences are just too personal to share here.

And just like that a month has gone by and I wonder where we have come because sometimes it is hard to keep things in perspective, especially if I stop taking time to reflect on what God has done...

Last week we had a great time going roller skating together as a family. Old fashioned roller skating - like four wheels, disco ball lights, and a DJ that announces song titles and games. We went with Nic's brother and his family and for many of the kids it was their first time on roller skates. We enjoyed the evening skating together and as I thought back on the smiles, laughter, and family bonding I was amazed at how far we had come in just a few months as a growing family.

And then a few days later Thanksgiving came and I wondered if we had grown and bonded at all in the past three months. Or if we had just been spinning our wheels that whole time...

Holidays can be really hard for children who deal with trauma and loss. For our children, holidays mean adding an entirely new set of "family" to celebrate with while simultaneously mourning the loss of the family they had celebrated every holiday with in the past. For them it is also means facing unknown expectations coming at them from all sides: expectations regarding new foods, new cultural traditions, new relationships, new places.

That is big, big stuff and takes time and emotions to process.

There is no wheel spinning going on.

Sometimes I can get overwhelmed by all that my children must face. Admittedly, I am more often overwhelmed by my role in helping them because I am weak and it is hard to be the one who walks beside them. Truthfully, I am selfish and I see my own pain in the process of coming alongside them far more quickly than I see their anguish in adapting to a new life here. It feels like my wheels are spinning because I want progress instead of pain. I often fail to see that God is doing unseen things and that He is able to renew us day by day in these trials. I forget that He surrounds us permanently, like Mount Zion. I forget that while the weight of some of these struggles feels like they may crush us, they are light afflictions that are preparing for us an eternal weight of glory to which we cannot compare anything.

So I know that we are not just spinning our wheels, and we do not lose heart...