Seeing Dimly

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

More than a week ago I thought that my new contacts were dirty. I felt like I was - maybe due to too little sleep or wearing them the contacts too long each day or maybe it was simply a lack of coffee making my eyes dysregulated and fuzzy. I took the contacts out, cleaned them well, wore my glasses for a day and that didn't help. I tried new contacts and that didn't help either. By last Sunday the pain was increasing and I thought there might be a problem beyond just my contacts, possibly a sty or pink eye, but I had never felt pain like this in my eye before. After calling my eye doctor and describing the symptoms last Monday, they recommended heading to the minute clinic to rule out pink eye.

After working on Christmas preparations all Monday morning and heading to an orthodontist appointment with all six kids on Monday afternoon, I made arrangements to get to the minute clinic by myself once Nic was home from work. I thought quick appointment, quick prescription, quick fix, and we'd be back on track for our holiday preparations and festivities. The physician's assistant at the minute clinic was quicker to rule out all my plans and send me to an eye center in a hurry with the only other option being the emergency room if there was not an appointment available yet that day. It was on my way to the eye center that I realized that I should not be driving myself, given the symptoms I was having in my left eye: intense eye pain, fuzzy vision, sensitivity to light. Nic and the kids met me along the way and picked me up, literally on the side of the road! What a wild ride!

The eye doctor diagnosed me with keratitis and sent me on my way with a follow up appointment and an electronic prescription for two kinds of eye drops to start immediately. Sadly, the electronic prescription was never received by the pharmacy for whatever reason, not until my husband had returned several times the next day and both he and the eye doctor had made follow up calls to the pharmacy. Hmmm.

The delay in treatment meant that there was no relief for the incredible pain and almost entirely dulled (blind) vision in my left eye for the next two days. The pain was so intense that if I used my eye too long (kept it open) I would become sick to my stomach. The only relief was to lay down and sleep to keep the pain at bay. I have never experienced pain like this before in my life - and at the first follow up visit the eye doctor told me it might take weeks to regain my sight. That was disheartening. For my children, some of whom have already lost first parents, it was frightening to see me in such pain. For all of us, it was an opportunity to learn to give thanks in all circumstances.

This experience is a lesson for me in seeing dimly, in understanding that I often only see part of the picture in what is happening around me. I see behaviors without understanding the heart. I see circumstances without understanding God's loving sovereignty or grace for me. This experience has given me a greater desire to see God face to face, to know Him fully, to be thankful that I am fully known by Him.

I am thankful that my eye has improved enough to be able to enjoy Christmas festivities without the intense pain, but the fuzziness remains in my left eye, reminding me of this weakness and dependence. Certainly it is an opportunity to pray, and to rejoice in all things.