Today's Brainstorm: Talking Coupons

I have been meaning to write, but there is just no time for that or sleep, or relaxation, or anything other than coffee. (See the last update.) You could summarize this brief update somewhere between the continuum of "no news is good news" and "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all."

But I had a fantastic brainstorm today after a wildly unsuccessful breakfast that was overtaken by the interrupting mouths of PTSD/RAD. Those of you who have therapeutically parented this in your home are probably nodding and smiling (or weeping). The rest of you are either completely confused or saying with confidence, "oh sure, my kids interrupt all the time, too." Bleh. The interrupting of an attachment challenged, anxiety disordered child is entirely different than your average, well-bonded but needing discipline interrupter. It is incessant, frantic, diligent, purposeful, and full of completely mindless chatter and ridiculous questions. It is purposeful in that the aim is to hold your attention and keep your "love" so that they can feel secure. One of our sweet kiddos actually believes that if we are not looking at her that we no longer love her. We have gone over and over this and she believes this to the core. Imagine how hard it is for her to feel secure when we interact with say, any one of the other household members or even try to have a quiet moment of thought to ourselves. (Ha!) At that very moment, not your average interrupting begins to occur in a panic in order to maintain our attention in an attempt to keep what she believes is our love.

We endured a double dose of frantic interrupting for breakfast along with a normal (but still obnoxious) three year old fit. It was probably for good reason as the past weekend was a bit on the difficult side and we are still working through those issues. However, in an effort to preserve the very last shred of my sanity (I think there is one tiny bit left) I had a brainstorm during our morning chores: talking coupons.

Yes, during lunch each child received five talking coupons (made from plain cut up scrap paper, nothing fancy) that provided them the opportunity to talk five times to anyone of their choosing at the table. They didn't need to use their coupons to ask for seconds on the meal because I told them that I would make sure they had enough food, just like we have always made sure they have had plenty to eat. However, they had to use them for every other verbal interaction. It was a wonderfully peaceful meal. They "paid" me a talking coupon each time they wanted to talk. Once their coupons were gone they had to eat their meal in silence. The best part is that even though two kiddos used up their coupons right away and the other two hoarded them, the meal was peaceful and the kids loved it. During the silence I took advantage of the opportunity to explain how important it is to talk calmly to one another and have respectful conversations without interrupting. I emphasized how every person's voice is important in a family and how hurt people can feel if they don't get a chance to talk. I reminded the kids that even if they are not talking with me, I am still loving them. It was a good experience and one by one as they were excused from the table and granted permission to speak freely, they each jabbered about how much they looked forward to using the "talking coupons" again for supper tonight.

I cannot wait to see what brainstorm God will bless me with in my sheer exhaustion tomorrow.