An Answered Prayer

Yesterday afternoon before quiet rest time I noticed that Noah was over-tired and was not going to have the fortitude to make it through a group story time together with the self-control necessary for success, so I read him a story individually in his room before putting him to sleep. It was a sweet story about a mother reassuring her child of the constancy of her love regardless of the child's choices while acknowledging that the choices were not good choices. If there were not two sleeping children in that room I would go get it off the bookshelf and share the title, but the risk of waking children before my morning quiet time is over is too great.

All of our children love having books read to them and could sit for hours daily listening to stories. It is our best time of the day to sit and read together and something I enjoy very much, especially if I have gotten enough sleep the night before and/or I am highly caffeinated.

After reading this particular book, Noah and I had a short chance to talk before I had to return to the girls who were *supposed* to be clearing the table, unloading the dishwasher, and picking out books for us to read together. It was the sweetest conversation with a softness in his heart that we have been praying would return for over a year now. It went something like this:

Me: Noah, I'm so thankful that I can be your mommy.

Noah: I'm thankful that I can be your kid.

If you remember our journey, Noah came home when he was only four months old, so he has been home close to four years now. The past two years have been very traumatic for him and our hearts have been crushed to watch the devastation caused in his life and heart by living with the trauma of his newest siblings. He has struggled to trust us and feel safe in our home because of living with older siblings who experience attachment disorders and extreme anxiety which is often acted out on him. He has spent the past year acting out behaviors of fear and trauma that he never previously knew.

Before you read this and judge our decision to bring older, traumatized children into a home with younger children, let me assure you that we did not make that decision lightly or without educating ourselves. In our journey, we asked specific questions of the psychologists and social workers who cared for and worked with our big kiddos in Colombia in order to make sure they would be ready and safe to be placed in a family with young children. The answers we received from the psychologists in this particular region through Colombia's ICBF system were very dishonest and uneducated about the effects of years worth of trauma on children's development. We trusted their answers. We received the full and true answers to our questions upon receiving the complete file the day the judge signed our adoption decree and our hearts broke. God has been healing our hearts ever since.

I do not write this to discourage anyone from adopting from Colombia or from adopting out of order, this is simply our journey. In fact, we love Colombia and we are thankful for our precious children and for those who advocated for them. In spite of all of that and all that our young children have endured, it gives us great peace that we trust a sovereign God who knew all these things and allowed this adoption for His good purposes. It has been a process to work through the shock, grief and acceptance of dealing with more issues and special needs than we were assured the children were coming home with. In this process God has been good to guard our hearts with His tender compassion and mercy, helping us to rejoice that we get to be the parents of all of our children.

Please rejoice with us in God's good work in the lives of our children, especially in the returning softness of Noah's heart. Please continue to pray for soft hearts in our home to seek Him every day. Pray that we would be wise, compassionate parents attentive to the heart needs of our children.