in a dying to self sort of way, that is. You see, they are fleshing out in me an idolatry of self-preservation and self-gratification that comes so naturally to everyone. Loving hurt children who hurt others as a result of their past has been harder than I ever could have imagined. And it has taught me more about my own sin and hurt than I knew existed. It has also shown me in a new way the grace, love and sovereignty of our Savior. I was encouraged and challenged last Sunday by Pastor Jon Piper's sermon titled The Son of Man Must Suffer Many Things. He reminded me that this idolatry of self-preservation and self-gratification is absolutely opposed to Christ's redeeming work on the cross. I am called to treasure Christ enough to lose my life for His sake in order to have eternal life.
These kids are killing me...
in a way that helps me to see that my hopes and dreams were so temporary and limited and God's plans are eternal.
I can rejoice now because these kiddos have "ruined" my life. Well, the life that I could have had if I had not completed three international adoptions in the span of four years or grown our family from 2 to 7 members in just four years. The life that I dreamed about having before we walked through a darkness so agonizing and lost a child. The life that I would have had if I had not sought God and obeyed His call to care for the least.
They have ruined a life that was full of self and taught me to live a life dependent on God - on His grace, His mercy, His sovereignty, His sufficiency in all things.
They have saved me from a life of frivolity, from living a life filled with things that simply don't matter. There just is not time for that anymore.
They have saved me from a life of using people in order to pursue and accumulate things. People, especially the ones who still care to call and pray after this long season in the desert, are too precious not to treasure.
They have saved me from a life of anger and bitterness. I could have been stuck there, harboring these feelings for the people who have hurt our children and our family, but these feelings hurt my children too much to hold onto.
They have saved me from a wasted life of seeking comfort in empty places. There is no time to waste in seeking comfort in anything less perfect, eternal, sufficient, or sovereign than the Almighty God. All of my other moments are designated for somebody else's need here at home - and for trying to teach the children to reach out to others in need.
They have saved me from a life of ungratefulness. Each moment is an opportunity to choose to give in to complaining or to choose to be grateful for God's provision. The days are hard and yet God is faithful. We can choose to rejoice in Him or focus on the circumstances and allow them to consume us. I choose to allow God to consume me and ask regularly that He fill me with a grateful heart and a spirit of rejoicing.
I am thankful that these kiddos are giving me an opportunity to love them beyond my natural ability, requiring me to depend fully on Christ, to admit my weakness and to cling to His grace.
I am thankful that God chose to ruin my "dreams" for my life with His blessings of these precious children who, by the intensity of their needs and hurts, have caused me to seek more fully after the only true thing that can save me - Jesus Christ, crucified, resurrected, and reigning victorious.
1 comment:
I love your realness and the ability to understand what and how God is calling you. You are so wise beyond your years. I'm still a "dumb" kid, but you, my friend, have grown into a wise "old" woman! (and NO, we are NOT old, but your wisdom is)
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