Letting Go of Dreams

Somewhere in the midst of all this craziness, in the midst of the countless doctor's appointments, the therapy sessions, the diagnoses, and the stress and anxiety of living with three attachment disordered children in a household of seven, the Lord has grabbed hold of my heart and whispered with a firm and fierce voice a lesson that I never want to forget.  It is a lesson that I am still learning...a lesson on letting go of my dreams and the plans I had for my life.

In a world where youth are given advice to "follow your dreams," you may be wondering what is good about letting go of your dreams, even when they are good, God honoring dreams.  For example, there is a really sweet family in our church with lots of kids, they homeschool and are incredibly respectful.  Their kids memorize their verses quickly and joyfully for Awana.  They are modest, a delight to talk with and they display a servant's heart.  For the sake of their privacy we'll call them the Jones.  I have always dreamed of being and having a family like the Jones.  It isn't because I wanted to copy them in any way, but because I could see all the God honoring values in their family and I wanted those things for my family, too, so that we could honor God together as a family.

My dreams were good.  It wasn't my dreams that were the problem.  It was that God didn't call me to parent the Jones' children.  He called me to parent my children, my very hurt children.  We are never going to look like the Jones when we sit in church (think "the wiggles") or when our family sits down to supper (think "It looked like spilled milk") or when we are working on homeschooling (think "weeping and gnashing of teeth").  I have come to the point where I am ready to let go of my dream of being the Jones family because that's not who God called us to be.

The list is endless of the things that I have let go of recently, but I would never go back to wanting all of the dreams I have given to Him.  Those dreams were nothing compared to the richness of knowing we are right where God wants us, no matter how painful it is here at this time.  What we see here is that none of our options look good any more compared to the dreams we once had.  Our options now include things like the necessity of atypical antipsychotic medicines, residential treatment, daycare, reversed locks on doors for safety, removing all the knives/scissors from our home, special education services (please!), county case workers, psychiatry appointments.  None of these things were my dreams and plans for our family.  The fact that we need to consider any of these things has been disappointing, but the fact that we must consider them all is overwhelming.  We have moved beyond trying to find the best options for our family and have moved on to just trying to find the least horrible option. 

Daily, God brings me to my knees over and over again as I submit to Him my dreams and plans for our family and my children who are really His precious children just in my care for a time.  My dreams and plans were okay, even good, but He is working out something better in all of us during this difficult season as we let go of our own agenda and learn to look to Him moment by moment.  While some of these moments are very painful, God is enough.  

Please take a minute to watch the YouTube clip above from Pastor John Piper as he walks through what the Bible says regarding the sufficiency of God.

The following was a daily devotional shared with me by a friend and I was so amazed at how clearly it speaks to what God is teaching us during this time.  I'm going to copy it below with the author's information included for others who may find themselves giving up some of their dreams.  I especially want to encourage those of you who are looking forward to upcoming older child or sibling group adoptions to take the time to both listen to the John Piper clip and read the devotional below as it will encourage and exhort you in your upcoming challenges with your families.  God be glorified!

Resurrected Faith 
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman
06-15-2009

"Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son" (Gen 22:10).

There are times in our lives when God brings a test to see if we are ready to put to death the very thing that God promised we would have. Such was the case in the life of Abraham with Isaac. Isaac was the promised son. Yet, God said to raise the knife to sacrifice him in obedience to God.

When God brings such a test into our lives we usually have a choice. Neither choice is attractive. One choice will often salvage some aspect of the vision. The other choice will totally kill the vision from our perspective. However, that is the faith decision. That is the only decision from God's perspective.

If we choose the faith decision that kills the vision - we will witness the resurrection of the vision supernaturally by God. Our own faith will be launched into a whole new dimension. He will raise us up in order to speak through our lives in that experience. God often brings that person into a very public ministry.

However, if we choose the lesser decision, we will reside in a lesser walk with God. God will accept the decision but there will be consequences to our faith journey. He cannot trust us with a bigger vision because He sees our obedience is moveable based on our perceived consequences.

If we choose the lesser decision then God will often orchestrate other events in our lives that are designed to develop our faith to a level that will allow us to make the right decision the next time.

Do you have resurrection faith that will trust God to raise your situation from the dead?