Independence and Brokenness

As a parent it is so hard to have to learn my lessons through my child’s pain, but the Lord has been teaching me some very profound things this past week as I stumble through life trying desperately to follow Him. As we continue to wait on our upcoming adoption the waiting gets harder and the unknowns seem greater. Fear has been growing in my heart. This is not from my Lord who called us to this path.

Flashback to last week Sunday, September 28^th, we were looking forward to an incredibly busy week including a “surprise” retirement party for my dad, AWANA, facilitating the adoption support group we lead, attending our small group Bible study, and expecting a visit from my brother and his wife, volunteering in the church nursery, in addition to our usual daily routines. To top that off, our almost-four-year-old has quit napping and has a new 5:00 p.m. attitude implosion time, and our almost-two-and-a-half-year-old has an “I-wanna-be-almost-four-years-old” complex. This means that every fit is preceded with the phrase, “I can do it myself!” and after much hysterics and heroic effort is followed with the words, “Mama, can you please help me?” Really, I must give the little guy credit, because at not even 2 ½ he does an incredible job keeping up with his big sis, who is doing her own great job of excelling in everything. I ended the week feeling like I was fighting a battle with armor that was three sizes too large, dragging on the ground behind me. To top that off, I had begun to worry about our children who are waiting for us in Colombia. Worry about what, you wonder. Well, it is easy to worry about things that are unknown, since everything about them is unknown, except the region of the country they will be coming from. Oh, yes, and I am going on my third week of having a bad cough, stuffy head, rotten cold. My armor was dragging. Three sizes too big.

And then our son (the 2 ½ year old who thinks he’s almost 4) fell down an entire flight of stairs at home on Sunday evening. We’re not sure what happened, if he slipped or if he bent over at the top of the stairs, but he flipped all the way down the stairs. Nic came running from upstairs and I came running from the kitchen. Immediately I noticed that his arm was bent inward between his elbow and wrist where it is supposed to be straight. In an instant I dropped the armor that had weighed me down all week, grabbed my little boy, and we rushed to the emergency room. He was such a trooper, not even flinching when they put in the IV. He broke both bones in his right forearm, requiring that he be put to sleep in order to set it. While setting it, the live x-ray machine broke. This machine allows the doctors to watch what they are doing. So, it had to be set without being seen. The doctors were able to set it successfully without it requiring surgery. After he woke up and realized he couldn’t lift the splinted arm he said, “Please take this thing off.” I told him it had to stay on until it was all better. He said, “It’s better now. Can you take it off?” If only it were that easy…

Being that our little buddy is in the middle of his toddler fight for independence, it was our prayer today that the Lord would help him to accept his limitations without fighting against it. God is so good and His answer to our prayer was so sweet today. God’s peace was evident in our home and our little Buddy quickly accepted that his right hand and arm wasn’t going to work today and that the splint on his arm from shoulder to fingertips wasn’t going to come off for a long time. (Actually, the splint comes off Thursday, but then the cast goes on for at least five weeks.)

• As we are still waiting for our children in Colombia and I’m feeling like a Mama who’s now mentally 2 months overdue (11 months waiting), I’m so sad that I had to learn my lesson about independence and brokenness from my son’s painful fall. However, God used my son’s sweet struggle for independence and painful tumble to brokenness to teach me a thing or two.

• I CAN’T do this on my own, no matter how much I insist that I can. And even if I stomp my feet, wave my arms and scream, I still can’t do it on my own. (This being life: family, marriage, adoption, parenting, relationships.

• Sometimes it takes real things that are more important than imagined worries to make me shed the armor that has been weighing me down. It is then that I realize it was a waste to live in the worries.

• God’s timing and provision are perfect, even in the moments when we are in need and feel pain. Sunday night God provided an incredible ER doctor who comforted us with his similar experience. Though the waiting for our children is painful (and certainly their past has held pain), and adoption is expensive, I have no doubt that God’s timing will be perfect and His provision will be sufficient.

• When I fall down, need help, or just can’t do it myself, it’s okay to ask for help. Just as I’m always willing to help our children, I know my Heavenly Father is willing and waiting for me to call out for help.

• It’s best to realize my limitations and ask for help before getting frustrated. (Why does it take a 2 ½ year old to teach me this?)

In conclusion, we are thankful for the incredible Dr. Bryant at Mercy Hospital who took great care of our son and made us feel at ease, we’re thankful that our little guy wasn’t hurt worse in the fall, and we’re thankful that the road to his recovery has begun easily. We continue to pray for our children who are waiting in Colombia, for the ongoing judicial strike in Colombia and the families now in country most affected by this, and for God’s peace in the waiting and preparation here at home.